Things my mum did to support my transition

and how it impacted me as a trans child

It’s been over a month since my mum passed away, and one of the last conversations we had was about how she wished she could speak to other parents of trans kids, to tell them how simple it really is - Just support them.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that conversation, and how many of us grow up without that kind of support. I’d love to share some of the things she did in the hopes that another parent of a trans kid sees this and feels a little more secure in their allyship.

1. She said: “I want to be your best friend through your transition.”

I came out by watching videos of a trans guy answering questions with his mum, and in that video they said that they were best friends. She turned to me and said she wanted to be my best friend just like them and as soon as she left my room I burst into tears - partly due to fear of the future, partly due to relief that I had her on my side.

2. She came out for me (and asked first)

When I told her I was trans, she immediately asked if I wanted her to come out to my family on my behalf. That way, I didn’t have to listen to anyone’s dismay or difficult questions. I made it clear that I was happy to answer questions, but it definitely helped to have someone do the first bit for me.

3. She took me to get my first men's haircut

We had a tradition of going to a salon every couple of weeks, we’d get our nails done and have a pamper session. However, it was very much a women’s salon and every time I had asked them for a short haircut, they made sure to feminise it. When I came out, mum took me to a barber nearby for my first “men’s haircut” and that was something I won’t forget.

4. She (and my dad) saved up to help fund my top surgery

Something I know not everyone can do, but both of them trusted my decision 100%. Mum and I had spoken about me getting top surgery as soon as I started growing breasts at around 9 years old. The pact was that we would get “reductions” together as soon as I was 18, but when I came out and she could see my discomfort with my chest (which was abnormally large for a 16/17 year old), she rallied to help get top surgery done asap.

5. She supported me after I was kicked out of school for being trans

I came out to my headteacher at 16 who immediately told me I’d not be able to continue learning at the school. I told my parents, and knew of a school about an hour away that was a lot more supportive of queer students. Despite it being further, and a hassle to swap, my parents helped me switch schools before the new academic year and my mum sat with me and the school counsellor to make sure I had everything I needed to thrive there.

6. She drove me to every hormone appointment

My injections were every 2 weeks at a hospital an hour away, but she drove me to every single one. We would talk and joke about the changes I was experiencing - it was really nice having someone so invested in my growth.

7. She posted about my milestones online

Though teenage me may have been slightly more embarrassed than I am now, she would post about my art, my grades, achievements, repost my surgery updates, and really loudly support me. Looking through her page after she had gone was a nice reminder that she really was my cheer leader.

8. She held my hand after every surgery

No matter where we were, Thailand, UK, Spain, she was always the first person I would see when I woke up and she would be holding my hand without fail. This was probably the thing that meant the most to me throughout my transition.

9. She drove me across the country for Pride events

In 2022 I was desperately trying to make my art business launch, and so we applied to every pride event market in the UK and she was my proud assistant for the day. We did Newcastle, York, even Brighton from Newcastle. We had name tags with “Ocean: Son” And “Jacqui: Mum” on our shirts so everyone knew who we were.

10. She told me to publish my book

When I was made redundant from a job in November 2024, she told me I needed to publish my Body Like Mine book. She reminded me how needed it was in the world, and how important it would be for so many communities. I finished the book while she was here, but it was only published officially in the weeks after her passing. I wish I could tell her that it sold out in the first few days of being out!

I know not everyone has parents like this. I wish more people did. But if you’re someone who supports a trans person, as a parent, friend, partner, I hope this reminds you how powerful your love can be.

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Want to support trans joy?

I created Body Like Mine, a book of 100 illustrated trans bodies and their stories, because I want every trans person to feel celebrated. My mum encouraged me to publish it, and now it’s out in the world.

You can grab a copy here or share this post with someone who needs to read it.

Thanks for being here,

Ocean